On Falling

While talking about my scabby face...

Me: Yeah I can't believe I fell twice in three days, and it's not even in love!
L: Haha, but it hasn't harmed your sense of humor!

Humanized Objects

While watching a trailer for Cars 2...

Me: Why do cars have to go to the toilet?
L: *shrugs* Why do cars talk?
Me: Hur hur.

Jokes from Lil' Kids

At a dinner party yesterday night, a friend was giving us riddles that her children had made up for Halloween:

Q: What is a vegetable that is half-dog and half-plant?
A: A collie-flower. O_o

Q: Where does a bee go to pee?
A: The B(ee)P(ee) station!

Children are so adorable, masha-Allah. :)

I Look Like I Mug Elderly Ladies

Dear adorable little fluffy white dog,

It is absolutely unnecessary to be barking ferociously at me every single time you see me, even when you see me from far, say 40 feet away. It hurts my fragile self-esteem, especially since all the other dogs in the neighbourhood (not as cute as you, of course) never pay any attention to me. It is also embarrassing since it puts me in the spotlight and everyone else, who happens to be near, stares at me whenever you do that, and you know that I am such a shy girl. Every night before I sleep, I question myself: What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much? Is it the colour of my headscarf? 

The owner, a lovely elderly lady, as she held onto your leash tightly so that you would not jump on me and bite my head off, tried to make things better by saying that you are just trying to protect her from me. But I am not convinced.

After all, she's the one rummaging through the dumpster every evening. 

Yours sincerely,

The Hilarious Hijabi.

No More Funny Jokes

My well of wit is currently as dry as the Sahara; I guess I'm not that funny a hijabi. :(

I'm not sure if the following riddle will make things better (via @funnyoneliners):
Q: When is the best time to milk a cow?
A: When she's in the mooooood.

:P Have a lovely weekend, insha-Allah!

Bilinguals

At a lunch with 2 Developmental Psychology (DP) professors...

DP Prof 1: Do you know what Americans call people who speak more than one language?
DP Prof 2: No idea.
DP Prof 1: A foreigner.
DP Prof 2: *chuckles*

You Smell So Good!

I've been told that I smell really nice in the most bizarre way ever. I was at the airport and waiting in line for security checks, and as usual, since I wear loose clothing and a headscarf, I get "special treatment". 

Giant African-American Lady Officer (GAALO): (while patting me all over) Mmmmmm you smell so good! What do you use? 

Me: (mind goes blank and starts mumbling 'cos it's 5 a.m.) Ermthanksithinkitisjasmine. 

GAALO: Jasmine? 

Me: (attempts to wave it off nonchalantly) Oh yeah, you can't get it over here. 

GAALO: Can I pat your head and your neck?

Me: O_O Yeah I guess.

GAALO: (nods cheerfully) Mmmmm ok you're done! Have a nice day! 

Me: Ermthanksyoutoo. (scrambles to take all of my stuff and get out of there as quickly as possible)

She's a really nice lady. Please don't tell her that I didn't have time to shower before rushing to the airport.

Bimbo Moment

A couple of years ago...

Me: What time is the 9 o'clock show?
Cousin: Oh? *checks the clock* I think it's...
Me: ...OMG bimbo moment!

Dumb Guy (DG) Chronicles (2)

A few minutes ago on Facebook...

Me:

have u seen my latest site

http://hijabicomedy.blogspot.com

i've immortalized you

 

DG1:

ha

so which DG am I?

 

Me:

u can't tell?! O_O

omg this is DGC worthy

 

Dumb Guy (DG) Chronicles

In this relatively short life of mine (my half-hearted attempt to sound youthful), I've had the (mis)fortune of coming across silly boys who say silly stuff that warrants proper documentation (and also because Facebook status updates don't last forever). I hereby present a reproduction of my Dumb Guy (DG) Chronicles (with some parts missing in FB universe): 

DG1: People from Netherlands... They're Netherlandish? 

Me: ... No, they're Dutch.

----------------

Me: I'm from Singapore.

DG2: Wow that's exotic! I hardly meet any except south east asians, blacks, whites!

Me:  Singapore is in South East Asia. >.<

DG2:  Wait, according to BBC, Singapore is in Asia Pacific... 

Me: South-East Asia is in Asia Pacific. >.<

------------------ 

DG5: oooh! oooh! if i said you were chinese, could i get into your dumb guy chronicles? 

Me: ooh u wanna be DG5? 

DG5: i really do i'm pretty sure you're half african, half russian.

-----------------

DG6: Oh very interesting. Your written English is impeccable. 

Me: That's probably because I've been using English since I was an infant.

----------------- 

More to come if I can dig up my old FB status updates, insha-Allah!

Assalamu'alaikum :)

During one of my pensive moments, I thought that if I could make a room full of serious academics laugh, surely I could make anyone laugh. Sometimes I think I make people laugh because they do not expect me to say the things I say, or maybe they're just laughing to be polite. But what do I know? :) I do know that I have a quirky sense of humour, so anything that you find funny or that makes you smile surely comes from Allah SWT and any jokes that fail are solely and sadly my own fault. Smile anyway, because it's sunnah. :)